Faith

I remember as a child growing up in Sierra Leone, I use to have long talks with my paternal grandfather about faith. I grew up with a Muslim father and  Christian mother. Imagine going studying the Koran on Fridays and going to church on Sundays. I was never pressured by my family to choose a  particular path. I am the last child and only girl out of four children. My brothers decided to follow  my fathers religion, but I decided to explore both until I could figure it out on my own. The only requirement in my fathers home was before sunrise everyone must arise and pray to whomever or whatever it was you believed in as long as you prayed.

I am a  liberal Christian now and I ended up marrying a Muslim.  I believe that faith can be  connected to religion but having faith does not require any religious support.  I know the first question you may have is why I chose to become a  Christian, I refuse to answer that because I am not into talking about religion, I prefer to talk about a subject that we can all connect with.I have studied the Koran, the Bible and as an adult the doctrines of Hindus, Buddhists and Sikhism. The ultimate goal for each religion is gain enlightenment of or eternal life.

Faith is when you have ultimate belief of confidence in one thing or person.Humans whom are ultimately happy believe in a higher power and trust in that being bigger than themselves to handle any tribulation that they are faced with as was discussed in my last post. Faith is the belief that one day your thoughts and your hopes will manifest itself. Positive thinking ends in positive results and vice verse. We are responsible for our own aura but  may need assistance in dealing with the lows that life may deal us.

Faith is often tested, for example not getting a promotion or failing by one point. The question is religion or no religion can you look inside yourself and trust that there is something better awaiting you or on the next test your performance will be better? This task is not an easy one but if you practice it eventually you start to believe and your circumstances will change.



work cited:
http://www.progressivehumanism.com/progressive-humanism/the-nature-of-faith/

Train To Be Happy

The journey that I am taking via this blog in discovering myself is not a journey that started today. I lost some part of myself in my family life because in any relationship you must compromise, whether it's respecting your partners space or giving up what use favorite show to spend  time with your children.The truth is when one gives up simple pleasures resentment may settle in and one day you may find yourself asking yourself who am I?

I felt so lost for years because of my child's illness all I could think about was medications and medical terms. The rare moments that I would get away from home, I could  still hear my son's machines beeping though I was miles away. The mental toll of caring for a child with special needs and submerging myself  into  it made me ever so thirsty for finding my own happiness regardless of the situation.

I set a goal of earning a degree in International Affairs. I started taking courses last Spring and for the the first time I felt good about doing something for myself. The opportunity to remove myself from my situation for a couple of hours was refreshing. I would be late for class numerous times because my son's nurses would call out or come late to work but my lecturers understood. My life was on track until one day,  my brother called me and said that my father was ill. I look at the school calendar and planned to visit him in Sierra Leone in December. The following week I was feel horribly sick, I could not keep anything down, I had fevers at night . I found out that I was pregnant again with severe morning sickness that kept me in bed thus enabled me to keep up with my grades,then to make matters worst my brother confided in me and said he does not think my father will make it to December.

I felt like it was just one blow after the other . I was in a dark place, I then asked myself what can I do to stay afloat. I started to read the Dhammapada, a book that was a required text in one of my classes. I am Christian so even opening this book that  laid out the doctrine of Bhuddah was sacrilegious in many ways. I read the book and was in awe of how we can train our minds to accept our circumstances yet be in peace with it. The process is not one that happens overnight it takes years to master.I wanted to be happy now!

In the quest of finding a happiness regardless of the circumstances I found out that; our human ability to be happy does not lye in our own hands, in fact research shows that the happiest people in the world surrender to a force bigger than themselves, thus, trusting in the force to fix whatever problems that they may be faced with. Joel Olsten, The Dalai Lama are among those who have trained themselves to surrender through prayer and meditation.

I am faced with a situation that I have no control over that exits in my everyday life routine, so I am training my self not to have any person or circumstances affect my emotions because I am learning to let go and let my faith handle the rest.

I ended up traveling to Sierra Leone in the middle of finals while I was four months pregnant. I received Ds in most of my classes and when I came back from seeing my father he died ten days later.I am back in school re tacking most my classes and still pursing my dream because I trust in a power grater than myself.

Take time out to check this link out:
http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-be-a-happier-person-2012-10?op=1

Work Cited:
Can being religious make you happier?
Taking responsibility of your own happiness

Two Sources

   I am having difficulties figuring out what I would like my subject to be for the Analysis paper. My thoughts are completely all over the place. I feel insecure in my ability to write this paper. I have a tendency to rant so I want to be cautious in picking my topic.
    I will spend this week closing in and focusing on one particular topic.

True Beauty?

I had my third child on November 13, 2012. I weighed between 140 and 135 pounds prior to the pregnancy and by the time I was nine months I ballooned to 213 pounds. I use pregnancy as an opportunity to indulge myself with various culinary delights. I usually gain too much weight with each pregnancy and I accompany it with at least one craving that usually has me regurgitating when I reflect on what I use to devour, during the last pregnancy I ate raw rice flower, this is a secret I dared not even disclose this pica activity to my team of doctors.

I fatten myself up only to do into a string of healthy and unhealthy methods in an attempt to lose all of the weight and save my husband from the economic burden of having to buy an entire wardrobe that caters to my new figure. My reality is that I do like to look good and I have a perception of what beautiful is to me, which usually does not consist of me being overweight. I believe that most humans share that same thought whether they would like to admit it or not.

Every time I go through this process I drill my husband on how much he loves me an what would he prefer, even though I always know the answer will always stay the same;” I love you no matter what size you are”, in my head though I know that’s a whole lot of malarkey. Most human beings are attracted to their communities’ conception of beauty being that different societies admire different features in women. I am African, so for the most part, men love women with a nice shape (big but) and big eyes, with a small waist. In other parts of East Africa, enlarged ear lobes are looked upon as beautiful that women go through a lengthy and painful process of stretching out their ear lobes with heavy earrings as the Masai women tribe of Kenya do.

       The moral of the story is that women all over the world from New York to desolate villages are v

ictims of their society’s perception of beauty. I get offended when most people try to down play the fact that their choices in regard to personal appearance is not connected to the pressures of what is promoted m the media. I applaud and admire the few that dance to there on tune. I feel guilty but denying the fact that I am a bit vein would be a lie.

I remember being overcome with anger and betrayal when the news broke about general Petraeus was cheating on his wife; I mean after all, he was voted most fascinating person by Barbara Walters in 2012. I am ashamed to also admit that I was a bit understanding after seeing a picture of his wife. Please don’t judge me. I felt like her husband is one of the most admired men in America, with a lot of power and extremely handsome. I know it does not justify what he did but all I could think of how much lypo-suction and teeth whitening I would have done if I was his Mrs.

Beauty is mostly based on what our society has created for us; it is up to you if you will become the beholder of your own.

 

Work Cited:

Barbara Walters's Most Fascinating People List Revealed : People.com

Her Looks, Your Status: Why Men’s Claims Not to Care About Beauty Ring Hollow — The Good Men Project

Myanmar Visa » The Maasai People of Selenkay

Eating for Two When Over/ or Under Weight - American Pregnancy Association

 

 

Accept your life

In this path of discovering myself, I made a conscious choice not to let my son’s illness define me or allow it to be the focus of my blog. The truth is that I am affected by it day in and day out. Life has just not been the same and even when he does get better the traumatic memories will forever be embedded in me in the form of anxiety. I have to work hard at motivating myself to perform the simplest task. I loved writing in the past and I would never get writers block, my ideas use to flow easy, I could read a book in a day, but things have completely changed.

Research shows that one out of three parents is afraid of losing their jobs due to an ill child. The honest, I was definitely the one of the three. I was more than delighted when my husband concurred with my decision to leave my company. My paranoia of getting fired was so intense that I wanted to beat my general manager to the “punch”. I turned in my resignation letter to the shock of everyone in the company, because I second in charge and worked hard to acquire that position, I wanted to leave at the top of my game. I have a hard time loosing and trying to juggle a full-time job and a child who constantly needs medical attention, was definitely a losing battle. The irony is that, though I know that I may suffer from some type of depression, I don’t even have the time to wallow in any kind of negative thoughts, as the primary care giver for my son, I have to stay focused and be the central support system for him.

           The fear does not only stop at the work place it also transcends into personal relationships.

 I lost a lot of friends as well. I now realize that I use to hang around some very shallow people.  The

chances of being misunderstood by people is high because they  may not don’t understand why you

cannot make it to their birthday party for the third year in a row because your child coincidentally has

to be admitted in the hospital for something that is beyond your control. I have am not into the whole group therapy or support group idea (yet), so at times the feeling of isolation surfaces now and then.
             I handle it all on day at a time, I think of my child as my salvation, thus, If  I think of lying I think of him and I don’t. I try to inspire myself and deal with the fact that this is what my life is and it is up to me to decide if I want to laugh one day or cry the other and sometimes maybe both.”There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so.”

Work cited:

Staying Home with Sick Kids Raises Job, Pay Fears | BusinessNewsDaily.com

Caring for a Seriously Ill Child

25 Ways to Be a True Friend | Tiny Buddha

Hamlet by William Shakespeare

 

The real house wife?

The word "housewife" was almost extinct in the early 70's, but thanks to a popular series on the Bravo television network, the word is in full circulation all over the world. This phenomenon is so popular that when my sister in-law, who leaves in Paris, France and is a non-English speaker became so hooked to the show, as she was on vacation last year, still calls me to discuss the   show. The reality is most these women are not real housewives or even married and their portrayal of reality is not far from reality itself, with that being said, I am in the accordance with the show that a housewife is not literally a house wife.

Four years ago, I held a high paying position at a cooperate housing firm, that catered to the Government. I resided in Crystal City with my husband in a high-rise that had all the amenities anyone will desire. I worked long days but I made it home in time to care for my eldest son who had acquired an illness, which I like to refer to the unexplained. I persevered for a year and a half but, with my son's health declining and another baby on the way, I gave in to the very thing I never wanted to become...a "housewife".

           In   the 1900s, prior to industrial development, men and women took care of the home because there was no real separation between home and work. In present times the definition of a housewife is dependent on ones culture and personal preference. I personally believe that taking care of the home requires a lot more effort than going to work, yet after being the primary care taker of my children for the past four years, the reward is priceless. Statistics show that women are attaining higher education than men.

Many decisions that we make in life come with some degree of regret, nostalgia and doubt. I battle with my decision to stay at home, though, I am aware of the fact that it is of the interest of my child. The irony is that I day dream of what could have been and I pray that my daughters get to live their lives without much regret. I get solace in the fact that not I was able to learn, peruse a career, raise a family and made sure not to lose myself completely in the process.

Happiness can only be achieved when you discover the good in every person and situation.

 work cited:http://www.census.gov/hhes/socdemo/education/data/cps/historical/index.html,
The Unfished Revolution by Kathleen Gerson